sigh...

I'm such a slacker.

what to wear

When you're a girl type person who wants to start carrying concealed on body, you're going to have to spend a bit of time thinking about your wardrobe. Try different poses in different outfits: reach forward, are you printing? Lift up your arms, is the muzzle revealed? Sit down then stand up again, how much do you have to readjust your clothing? There will be a lot experimentation with the things you already own and probably quite a few costume changes until you figure out what works.

I don't use the word "costume" lightly, either. You may have to purchase and wear things that aren't exactly your preferred style.

In my limited gunchick experience, I've learned that beyond the standard jeans and baggy tshirt, there are ways you can look cute and carry at the same time.*

1. A good stiff gun belt. (Or two. One black, one brown to match your shoes) Men's dress belts in a smaller waist size are a good choice if you would like something a bit more stylish.

2. Belt loops are essential, look for them when shopping. I've been known to carry even while wearing a denim skirt.

3. A selection of a-line, empire waist, and loose button up shirts. Dark colors and/or patterns are best to obscure any potential printing. Tank tops are handy too, to wear between your delicate skin and the grip of your pistol.

4. Shoes can be sensible and fashionable at the same time. There are plenty of options, especially when you shop online. (whenever I see a girl teetering down the street in her high heels I think, "Victim shoes.")

5. Accessories can be a distraction - who would ever expect that the lady with the dangly earrings and the purple glitter nailpolish is packing heat? Those scary guns are totally a guy thing anyway, right? This is one of the big advantages of being a chick who carries.

*Disclaimer: this is fashion advice from a nerdy librarian who still mostly wears goofy tshirts and Doc Martens, has been known to put her hair up in a scrunchie, frequently paints her fingernails blue, and still thinks that a Dr. Pepper flavored lipsmacker is an essential beauty item. Take it for what it's worth.

bugged

As if suffering through the heat and humidity wasn't bad enough, last night we discovered that we have fleas. All six cats are scratching as if they're possessed, I'm covered in red itchy welts and Mike....well, he has one bite. One. I'm fully expecting plague filled buboes to show up any moment now and he's trying to decide if that tiny red dot on his stomach is itchy enough to qualify. Argh.

And to top it all off, the vet said that since our cats all stay indoors it's likely that I gave them the fleas.

Fae is most assuredly not pleased.

how to be famous on the internet

An 8-tip list for bloggers. Perhaps it will satisfy SayUncle, the man with short posts...and an even shorter attention span.

(disclaimer: I didn't read either list. Rules be damned.)

if it's not one thing...

So after a couple days of relentless occipital neuralgia, I pulled a muscle behind my left knee and now my leg doesn't fit correctly. I feel totally gimpified.

Are they still working on virtual reality? Because I figure by the time I'm about 70, I'll be more than ready to have my brain bobbing away happily in a jar somewhere, wired up to the world wide web. (& you think twitter is bad?)

Work now, more later.

gray pride!

I was wearing my hair up in a ponytail sometime last month when my mom said, "Wow - you have gone so gray."

I bought a box of semi-permanent color the next day.

I strategically left one white stripe over my right temple but I'm not quite ready to join this gallery just yet, thanks.

no rats in this race

TORTOISE V. HARE :: BIG RACE!! from Dylan Stiles on Vimeo.

Busy day planned: work, garden, art, food, laundry, and most importantly, answering emails. Back in a bit.

what I carry

I'd join in on the current "whatcha got in your pockets" meme, but since I'm a chick, I usually put everything except my knives and my pistol (when I can carry) in my purse. And trust me, no one wants to see my assorted collection of crumpled grocery receipts, tampons, Dr. Pepper flavored lipbalm and stale Altoids.

But, hey, check out my Monkey Knut!

glory denied

I kind of feel like the Major Caudill of bacon waffles.


There it is in the upper right hand corner, my photo of my bacon waffles, on one of my favorite food blogs, Tastespotting. Takes two clicks to get to the original source. Dang it.

excuses, excuses

Reasons why this blog sucks lately:

1.) Stories like the French chef who said "I saw God before me" when he saw Obama make my head want to explode. I am struck dumb in abject horror and mostly just make disgusted sputtering noises when I read the news. Any amount of punditry I might have had has left me. I did, however, good chuckle out of this...

I'm sure it was just a lucky shot, but still. Heh.

2. I haven't been shooting in a long, long time. I miss shooting. Stupid ammo hoarders, no shooty makes Breda a very sad girl.

3. No snow! Gardening! Outside! Sunshine! Dirt! Blossoms! Worms! Herbs! Turtle walks! (new video of the cutest turtle on the internet, if you're interested.) I hate to waste good weather but just this weekend I found a little wifi spot outside near the perennials, so blogging might improve.

4. I've been reading a new book, An Edible History of Humanity. I just can't read fiction lately - I find that I just don't care about the characters and their lives - and I've always liked those books with titles like Milk, Salt, The Pencil or Color, where the author traces the history and evolution of a single subject. My favorite bit of this new book so far comes from the part about the reasons why humans might have started farming, despite the fact that hunting and gathering was by far a much easier lifestyle.

It has even been suggested that the accidental fermentation of cereal grains, and resulting discovery of beer, provided the incentive for the adoption of farming, in order to guarantee a regular supply.

The most unexpected things sometimes have the greatest effect.

patience please

I know I'm supposed to be a gunblogger and I haven't been writing much about guns lately. I apologize for that but between the ammo shortage, the arrival of spring (which means spring cleaning, gardening, outdoor activities, etc) and getting ready to board a metal tube and be hurtled through space into the blast furnace of a distant desert, well...things have been a little busy and non-shooty at the Fallacy's of late.

And oh, that desert. Right. Where I will be sometime this Wednesday if all goes according to plan and the aforementioned metal tube doesn't fall out of the sky which, I am told, they are wont to do occasionally. I plan on spending the 4 hour flight in deep meditation, attempting to keep the plane in the air with the power of my mind, just in case. It couldn't hurt.

But, then Phoenix and the NRA convention! Yes! There will be MASSIVE amounts of gunblogging and photos and just you wait and see.

skinnyfat*

Most of my family is a pretty trim bunch, despite the fact that we eat whatever we want (in moderation) and never "work out." No one I'm biologically related to has ever had a struggle with weight loss and we all have freakishly low blood pressure. I'm sure coming from a people who subsisted mainly on heavy starches, red meat and whiskey has something to do with it so I'm going to blame my laziness on genetics.

"Hey," I think, "I still fit into my jeans - and, wow, exercise is hard...maybe I'll just cut back on sweets."And so I do and lose a few pounds (I assume, I don't even own a scale) and am satisfied until the guilt sets in again...

I mean, I suppose I could probably have my daily allotment of bacon and beer and follow it up with a dish of ice cream and still look fine but I'm going to be 35. I should exercise.

TD of The Unforgiving Minute and quite a few of my other friends on the Gunblogger Conspiracy have started exercising, and encouraging each other in their efforts. (Well, maybe "encouraging" is the wrong word because so far, it seems like a competition to see who cause themselves the most misery using a method called Crossfit.

"Dude! My legs hurt so bad, I could barely walk!"

"I vomited a whole pot of coffee after my workout!"

Boys.)

Anyway, my point is that I want to start doing something. I have a balance ball, some free weights, and a bicycle. I want triceps that won't flap around 10 years from now, a more defined waist and general all-over toning. But mostly, I'd like to be strong. It's hard to kick ass otherwise.

__________

*small, but soft

cleaning house

I've got a bunch of stuff I haven't managed to write about so I'm going to make a list.

- Last night's Gun Nuts was fantastic. The hour flew by and our guest, James Yeager of Tactical Response, was so terrific we've asked him back to do another hour sometime soon. If you missed it, learn how to download at gunnuts-tng.com!

- my buddy Kaveman has found religion - & it's not what you think!

- Chicago area libraries have started kicking people out for having an offensive odor and since I've been known to boot surly teenagers out of the library for giving me lip, I'm all for it. It's not like these people are reading books anyway.

- Mike and our friend Heath are going to the Cleveland Tea Party this evening so if you're going to be there too, look for them. (I have to work.) There will be photos and a full report tomorrow. I urge you to attend one in your area.

- My friend just bought himself a Colt AR - anyone have trouble running 5.56 through one? (He's getting conflicting reports online and wanted me to ask my brilliant and knowledgeable readers for advice)


- Reader (and submariner!) Mark sent me a link to what might possibly be the coolest tshirt ever. (I wear a size small. Just sayin'.)

wait for it.

Monday morning at the library, crossword puzzle lady still hasn't called in yet, but the regulars are all here - Jerry, who is 80 and refuses to use Google documents even though I've shown him how 10 times already, Neil who wants the newspaper and wants it NOW, Dennis, one of our mentally disabled cleaning crew who grinningly threatens to charge me $5! for a cup of breakroom coffee, and the creepy copy machine guy who took his life in his hands last week by coming behind my desk even when I told him not to.

And me, who got up extra early this morning to tip tap away on my little Eee PC, trying to unload the epic post I woke up with in my head. The instant caffeine didn't help the words appear as magically ordered as I had hoped and before I knew it, it was time to go to work.

More (& better) later.

noms

Mike and I like to treat ourselves and go to Trader Joe's. We love the spicy exotic snacks, frozen desserts and the super cheap brie. They have decent six-packs of beer for $5 and I can get a gigantic bottle of Spanish extra virgin olive oil for under 8 bucks. In fact, most of their food is reasonably priced and high quality.

But the store always seems to be in more well-to-do neighborhoods and located in shopping plazas with crappy parking. The lots are full of fancy cars and pushy drivers who won't stop for pedestrians. Add into the mix that the store is tiny and crowded, its aisles are all at wonky angles, there are poorly behaved children ramming into things with miniature shopping carts and effete hipsters that will stand directly between you and the shelf you were looking at without apologizing. I'm also usually hungry, so needless to say, I tend to be a bit scowly in Trader Joe's. The prepackaged, microwaveable biryani is totally worth it though, and I suffer through. Besides, I always enjoy seeing the snootier customers stumbling all over each other for either a tiny cup of coffee or a free spoonful of say, mango chutney. Makes me laugh every time.

bacon built right in

I know, I know...two food posts in a row? Let me explain about my blogging lately.

I'm waiting for spring which, as usual, is taking its time getting here. The snowdrops and crocuses have bloomed, the sparrows have moved back, the sun is making an appearance more often than not now, and the chives have started poking up through the ground. I just want out - out of the house, out of these layers of clothing - the cabinfever is relentless.

I also don't have any range reports. We went to the store the other day and the ammo shelves were bare. I am not exaggerating - it freaked me out. So I'm hoarding the little bit of .380 I have left and go to the range with a box of .22, hoping that any practice at all is better than none.

I read the news and am alternately scared, angry, and...no. That's it. I'm just scared and angry. I was going to say that I was also amused by the bumbling incompetence and idiotic policies coming out of this administration but then the reality of the next 4 years hits me and I get scared and angry all over again. I mean, Barry & Co. would be hilarious if it weren't for the fact that they were running the country. So I write about it because I can't not - I need to vent my fear and frustration but it's nothing more than spitting in the wind.

So I try to do quiet, mindful, satisfying things that I love. I write, I read, I tinker around in my studio...and I cook. One of the more useful things about this struggling economy (and the resulting effect on Mike's job) is that I've had to start being more creative in the kitchen - I make things from scratch, I experiment with cheaper cuts of meat, I buy in bulk. We scrimp and save a bit more than we have in the past so that we won't have to do without the little luxuries we love...like fancy cheese, microbrewed beer and, of course, bacon.

(yes, the bacon is IN THE WAFFLE. Click to see...and drool)

It's the little things in life that bring the most happiness...and sleeping in followed by Sunday brunch on a sunny porch is no exception. But putting the bacon in the waffles?

Delirious joy.

bleak

There are few things as dismal as February in Cleveland - the wind howls in from the lake, the sky hangs low over your head and you begin to dream of color. For months now the world has been relentlessly gray and I always catch myself mid-sigh as I look out the window.

While I'm still layering on sweaters and scarves, spring has already arrived for some - I've heard rumors of mild days and pear blossoms. Sunshine is inevitable and it will arrive as it always does. Someday. I let that thought inspire me against the gloom.

But today, I've closed the drapes and am ensconced on the sofa with a cup of ginger tea because it's snowing. Again.

is it Friday yet?

Argh. I woke up late and had a nosebleed this morning. I think it snowed again but, really, who can tell at this point? It's so cold I didn't want to take a shower before work and risk frozen hair.

So more blog later. It'll be better than this, promise.

p.s. good thing they made February the shortest month because it already seems oppressively long.

thanks to the super funny Natalie Dee, who knows all about Ohio winters.

saturday sleep in

I'm running late, as usual. I blame our new thermal drapes - our room is like a dark cozy cave now. Add to that a pile of blankets and the awareness that its 2 degrees outside and it's near impossible to get out of bed.

I'm also at a loss for blogfodder, so I thought I'd share a little known fact about me...as much as octopodes give me the heebiejeebies I love anteaters, tamanduas specifically.

They do laundry!














And eat with utensils!



And prove once and for all that baby mammals were designed to be cute.

don't defuzz

Yesterday, while perusing my new favorite online social networking site Facebook* I came across an advertisement that made me literally stop and say, "Wait, what?!"

And I did a screengrab because, well...I just had to share.


Now, the concept of a man shaving his chest is not foreign to me. I realize that swimmers wanting to be as sleek as seals do this and probably bodybuilders and male underwear models do too. It seems to be job-related, so hey, cool. I even believe that a person should be able to do whatever they like cosmetically to their own bodies. I mean, I have tattoos and a piercing, so I'm really not in a position to be judgmental.

So let's call it a personal preference - I like men and most of the time, men have chest hair. It's a simple concept, really - chest hair is touchable and utterly masculine. It reminds us that this is a man, not a mere smooth-chested boy. Add in that little wisp at the open collar of a man's shirt and yowza. Tantalizing.

A full chest of hair is something that tends to come with a bit of maturity (something that many women would be wise to consider a feature, not a bug, in their choice of mates) but youth has long been the standard for beauty. Media encourages this idea so some modern men think it necessary to shave their chests. It could also be that a shaved, waxed, plucked, manicured, metrosexualized man is easier to accept somehow, less threatening to the myth of grrlpower**.

So lately we women only have pubescent looking male stars to ogle in the theater and in magazines, we've been left dissatisfied and wanting - but it's a trend that I am happy to report is changing. I am celebrating the return of masculine beauty and I am not alone!

____________________

*which you should totally join, because all the cool kids are there, just waiting, with photos and everything. Well, maybe not all but hooray for peer pressure! Also, I find it funny how social I am online considering I'm quite the opposite in real life. I rarely answer my phone when it rings, but contact me me on Facebook? Chatterbox.
**in my opinion, being a strong woman is not about emasculating men.